YesBut birds the word again

For YesBut’s Image on 4th August 2007 Pope Terry 's posted the caption -

"if all these people weren’t around I could eat that pigeon"

The photo and caption suggested the story to me:

The last time I spoke to you I was at Paddington Station. I had to make a quick get away from there due to talk of a pigeon eradication program. I thought “well every cloud has a silver lining” (whatever that means, humans have sum stupid sayings - they say "birdbrain", they should be so lucky to have my brain).

Now where was I? Yes, I remember, having to make a quick exit from Paddington. Well I’d heard about Heathrow and the places you can go to from there, so I thought, right I’ll catch the Heathrow Express.

OK, OK I should have been more careful which train I got on. And OK I shouldn’t have drunk the beer spilt on the train floor. But from there on I’m not to blame.

I fell asleep. When I woke up the train had stopped, so I thought I’d arrived at Heathrow airport. How was I to know I’d got on the Great Western train to Wales. Finished up in, now let me think, always forget the name of the place, name something to do with birds? Yes, Swansea.

Well I looked around for a little bit, but didn’t think much of it. Thought lets get back to London. Tried to catch a train back but those people at the station were too smart for me. Demanded I bought a ticket. How did they expect a bird to buy a ticket? Stupid Swansea Jacks - I found out they call themselves Jacks, have you heard of anything so stupid - birdbrains.

Met some pigeons and asked their advice. They looked at me as if I was mad. They asked if I was a pigeon. What a stupid question, couldn’t they see my fine plumage - mind to be fair to them I had left myself go. Since that first drink of beer I’d acquired a taste for it. They said if I was a pigeon I’d be able to find my way home - just fly. So I did.

Well perhaps I wasn’t as fit as I should be, but after a couple of hours I was well and truly knackered. Had to land. Don’t ask me the name of the place, its got a lot of Ls’ in it. Learnt most Welsh town names are the same. Ll this and Ll that. And the pigeons here are a horrible lot. I hear them talking to each other in English, but as soon as they see me coming they switch to Welsh so I can’t understand them.

Hang on a minute, I don’t like the way the girl in red is looking at me, reckon she’s going to hit me with her umbrella.

Sorry I’m can’t stop here talking to you. I’m off.