YesBut we're high and dry - Part 3

Continued from yesterday.

For YesBut’s Image posted on 12th June 2007 David McMahon suggested the caption: -

“Up the creek without a puddle”.


The photo suggested to me the following story, (continued from yesterday):

I tell you thank goodness for Pete’s quick thinking, he responded in a flash, “Annual inspection”. That seemed to satisfy the cops, but we still had the problem of re-floating the boat and returning it to its owner.

Pete thought Dave’s suggestion of digging a big hole around the boat wouldn’t work. He suggested getting a rope and a pulley. Tying the pulley to a tree on the other bank, then use the rope to pull the boat to the water.

Barry thought the pulley idea was good, but to use it to lift up the boat, rather than pull it. Though he had difficulty in coming up with a solution on what to hang the pulley. After a long discussion I said we couldn’t waste more time, we had to decide now. I went along with Dave’s plan.

So Dave and me went off to look for some shovels, while Barry and Pete decided to conserve their energies and go back on the boat for a kip. Dave and I set off to look for a building site to “borrow four shovels”. Then I had a flash of inspiration - if we were to dig a big hole we’d better first get a good full English Breakfast.

We soon came upon an old fashion “greasy spoon” café, catering mainly for workers. Big steaming mug of sweet tea, plate full of: bacon, two eggs, fried bread and tomatoes, mushrooms and a big dollop of baked beans. One word to describe the feast - mighty. We got to talk to some Irish lads, they said they knew where they could get hold of some shovels for us. They suggest, we should also take a pickaxe because the river bed could be hard. So off we went to collect the stuff.

They were a grand bunch of lads on the building site, they even lent us a wheelbarrow to transport the tools. Why do wheelbarrows have squeaky wheels?

When we got back to the river, we couldn’t believe our eyes. Who had stolen the water had been more successful in returning it, than we had in returning the boat. Now coming to think about it, we might not have been all that careful in tying up the boat, for there it was floating in midstream. Unfortunately moored next to it was the police launch. We couldn’t see whether Pete and Barry were still onboard.

I looked at my watch and told Dave, “if we are quick we could get these tools back to the lads, go home for a shower and shave; and still be not too late for work”. He agreed.

YesBut we're high and dry - Part 2

Continued from yesterday.

For YesBut’s Image posted on 12th June 2007 David McMahon suggested the caption: -

“Up the creek without a puddle”.


The photo suggested to me the following story, (continued from yesterday):

I remember opening my eyes, and not recognizing where I was. It certainly wasn’t my bedroom; the only familiar things were the comatose bodies of my mates. I wish I had had a camera to photograph Pete sucking his thumb as he slept; Barry was snoring like an old bull on heat while Dave was slumped on the floor.

It took a few moments to recall - all be it very vaguely the events of the previous night. Shit! We had stolen a boat. There was only one thing to do, get it back before anyone noticed it was missing. Despite my thumping head I managed to get up and go out on deck. Now I’m not stupid, I knew there was something wrong, but I couldn’t put my finger on it immediately. Then I realized the wharf was a lot taller than the one we had tied alongside the night before. Last night we had just stepped off the boat onto the wharf, but now the wharf was up in the sky. Looking over the side I realized someone had stolen the river, it was gone leaving us and the boat high and dry.

They might have been my mates, but they are a cantankerous lot in the morning. Finally I got them to recognize we had to take action, and pretty darn quick. We threw a rope over the side and Dave and me climbed down. Things were looking bad, even though the pointy end of the boat was in the water, even that was touching the bottom. We had to get more brain power to tackle the problem.

When we were joined by Pete and Barry we agreed it was “un-gentlemanly” to do a runner, we had to get the boat back to its owner. Dave being the most practical said it was obvious, all we had to do is to dig a big hole around the boat, the water would flow in and “Bob’s your uncle Fanny’s your aunt” we could float the boat.

Just then a police launch passed. “Ahoy there what’s up?”. Can you believe it that people still say “ahoy there”?

To be continued tomorrow - Bookmark this page.

YesBut we're high and dry - Part 1

For YesBut’s Image posted on 12th June 2007 David McMahon suggested the caption: -

“Up the creek without a puddle”.


The photo suggested to me the following story:

I don’t normally go out for a drink mid week, but it was Pete’s birthday, so a couple of us lads went out for a few pints. You know how it goes; start slowly, then someone buys a round of shorts and before you know it, all semblance of common sense is urinated out at a visit to the toilet.

Can’t remember now who made the suggestion we should go for a swim. But the next thing I remember is being down by the river. I rate myself quite a good swimmer so I challenged the others to a race to the boat moored in the middle. With ten pints and a few whiskies in your belly doesn’t make climbing aboard after a swimming race. But somehow there we all were onboard a tourist boat in the middle of the Thames.

Snooping around we found the bar, but the cupboards were empty. Dave went up to the bridge to do his Captain Pugwash act. Meanwhile Barry was down in the engine room doing his “I’m a motor mechanic” thing.

A puff of exhaust smoke, let go forward let go aft and there we were like little boys playing Pirates of the Caribbean. It was more of a gentle drift down stream, soon we were passing the Houses of Parliament. I must admit, Dave isn’t all mouth, he steered that boat sweetly through the centre arches of Westminster and Hungerford bridges. I think it was as we were passing under Waterloo bridge, Pete woke up and suggested we should finish the night off at a nightclub.

OK, coming alongside Gabriel’s Wharf wasn’t the most perfect of operations, and we might have scraped some paint off the side of the boat. But we were careful in tying up the boat.

Can’t remember much about being in the nightclub, or even finding our way back to the boat. The only thing I recall is waking up with a thumping headache and feeling like “spewing my guts up” (pardon the expression).

To be continued tomorrow - Bookmark this page.