YesBut the smell! - Part 2

Continued from yesterday

For YesBut’s Image on the 9th June Helena suggested the caption

“Busker caught in sudden cold spell”.

The picture suggested the following story to me: -

A few tins missing could be accounted for by shoplifting, but half the stock missing was inexplicable. The manager demanded the stock-take should be repeated. As expected it showed the paint stock was correct. All might have been well, if Brian hadn’t entered the store just as the manager was being reinstated. Seeing Brian, he completely lost his head, he went berserk. Picking up the first thing close at hand he charged at Brian. Brian turned and ran, but not quickly enough the paint tin thrown at him caught him at the back of his head. On impact the lid sprang open and the contents oozed down over the still fleeing Brian.

Then fate took a nasty turn, had Brian kept on running down the street life would have been a lot simpler. But unfortunately he decided to hide in the back of a van. To make things worse, he chose a refrigerated van delivering frozen octopus testacies to a Chinese Medicine Store. He hid behind a stack of boxes, expecting to get out of the van at the next delivery point. Unfortunately for Brian, it was the last delivery of the day. When they found him in the morning he was frozen stiff.

He went home to wash himself and his cloths. When he tried to unbutton his coat, he realized he wasn’t covered with ordinary paint. In shock all the blood drained from his face, when he realised what he was covered in. The paint was from a batch specially developed for export to Greenland. It had been formulated to paint the ceilings of igloos. A special hardening agent had been added to accelerate drying when subjected to cold temperatures. He was covered in “Igloo Bright Sky Blue” paint. It was impervious to every type of solvent. However to prevent environmental contamination, the paint had been formulated so that when the igloo melted in the summer, the paint would decompose in sunlight.

Brian had no option but to sit in the sun until the paint’s molecules restructured. There was only one drawback with “Igloo Bright Sky Blue” paint, which while not being a problem to the inuits, made it unsuitable for general use. On decomposing it gave off the smell of rancid whale blubber oil. Hence the absence of people around poor Brian, and the man in the background asking his friend, “what the #@$& is that smell?”

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YesBut the smell! - Part 1

For YesBut’s Image on the 9th June Helena suggested the caption

“Busker caught in sudden cold spell”.

The picture suggested the following story to me: -

As a teenager Brian would spend hours in front of the mirror in his bedroom playing an air-guitar and miming to his favourite record, Elvis Presley’s “Blue Suede Shoes”. He dreamt of being a pop star, to have thousands of girls adulating him, to be rich and famous.

But Brian’s parents had other ideas. Being a cautious and conservative pair they wanted their son to have a “secure, safe life”. This meant that young Brian had to train to be an accountant. There was only one problem; Brian wasn’t very good at mathematics. He got confused very easily, particularly over conversion factors. This weak point would one day be the cause of his downfall.

Somehow he managed to qualify to be an accountant, mainly through ingratiating himself with his lecturer by sleeping with her. This was quite a sacrifice to make as she had a fear of vampires; and to protect herself chewed garlic. After qualifying he got a job working for a large chain of hardware stores. Although he was an accountant he still dreamt of being a pop star.

With his first wage he bought himself a plectrum. He was disappointed that it didn’t improve his air-guitar playing. With his next month’s salary he bought a teach yourself guitar playing manual. Again further disappointment. He realised there was no way for him to tune his air-guitar, there was only one solution. He bought himself a harmonica. Though he learnt to play it, he realised harmonica players do not have thousands of girls chasing after them. Finally he fulfilled his destiny and bought a second hand guitar.

As soon as he saw it in the back of a second hand store he knew that it was the guitar for him. Painted blue it reminded him of his favourite song, “There’ll be blue birds over the White Cliffs of Dover”. He practiced diligently, perhaps too much, because it started to interfere with his work. On the fatal day he had been sent to a store to do a stock-take. If he hadn’t been thinking about a new song he was practicing he would have realised that the tins he was counting were litre not pint tins of paint. As a result, with the stock-take showing a 56% deficiency in paint stocks the store manager was fired.

To be continued tomorrow - Bookmark this page

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