YesBut protect the environment - Part 2

Continued from Friday.

For YesBut’s Image posted on 18th August 2007 Pope Terry suggested the caption -

“I left my training wheel back there can you get it for me, I don’t think you can miss it.”

The photo suggested to me the following story.

Now where was I? Ah yes Friday I was blogging about how to get pedestrians out of the way when cycling, and the idea of using a muck-spreading device. That led me to remember a holiday I spent in Thailand.

Many, many years ago, when I was young and foolish I spent a holiday in North West Thailand. I know you guys find Thai girls to be attractive, well this girl found a gorgeous Thai man with a real tight butt. He would take me for long throbbing rides on his motor cycle. It wasn’t big, but he knew how to use it. There was only one problem with the relationship, I shared him with a monkey, which he insisted went everywhere with him.

The first time the three of us took a ride together on his motor cycle could have ended in a disaster. The monkey perched on my shoulder was petrified; and when I say petrified I mean he was sh*ting himself. Though having lost control of his bowels he did have the decency to catch the **** in his hand. Unfortunately the extent of his good behaviour stopped there, for riding through a small town, he started to throw the **** at gob smacked pedestrians.

Perhaps that’s the solution to my problem of tourists block my path.

He did have a nice butt. No, not the monkey, the Thai toy boy! If it wasn’t for that monkey I could still be motor cycling through Thailand; but instead here I am cycling through congested, exhaust polluted London, trying to avoid colliding with dumb tourists.

YesBut protect the environment - Part 1

For YesBut’s Image posted on 18th August 2007 Pope Terry suggested the caption -

“I left my training wheel back there can you get it for me, I don’t think you can miss it.”

The photo suggested to me the following story.

Isn’t it marvellous, no one gives you credit for making the effort to save the environment. I could journey to the office in my 4x4 vehicle and not this rickety bicycle. But what thanks do I get? Nothing!

Ring my bell, but those stupid tourists just stand there blocking my way. For a time I got myself a police whistle. I would ride up to just behind whoever was in my way and give them a loud blast. The police said I could have been charged with manslaughter if he had died. How was I to know the Old Fart had a dickey heart, and had a heart attack after I blasted him with my whistle.

I dream of installing one of those air horns used by those big American Kenworth trucks. Can you imagine the effect. I remember hearing for the first time a Carpenters LP (now that’s showing my age), I was using headphones, and at the end of one track there was a sound of a car passing by. It was as if the car had entered my left ear, passed through my brain, and out of my right ear - brilliant.

Or perhaps I could install slashing swords on the front wheel, just like Boudicca’s chariot Anybody stands before me, and they’ll be chopped off at the knee - no too drastic. Or I could install one of those muck-spreading devices that farmers use to spray manure on their fields. Now that reminds me of an incident that happened when I was on holiday in Thailand many years ago.

To be continued - Bookmark this page

YesBut have a nice weekend - Part 2

Continued from yesterday


For YesBut’s Image posted on 15th August 2007, Pope Terry suggested the caption -


Lady one: "Margery, that strange man is still following us, quick get your taser out a fry the git"


The photograph suggested the following story to me:

The three of them had a wonderful evening. Yousif wanted to introduce Geraldine to Algerian culinary delights. Ann had a broad smile of pride on her face as she watched him be so charming and attentive. She was so happy that the two most important people in her life had finally met. Geraldine had been her best friend since they met at University. Geraldine’s career in the diplomatic service had taken her out of the country for long periods, but now she had applied to work in the Prime Ministers Office, they will be able to spend more time together.

Geraldine looked across the table and was pleased her friend had found her soul mate. As for herself, she had made the decision years ago to make her career her priority; and now she was getting close to achieving her ambition - working as a Foreign Affairs Advisor at the Prime Ministers Office, the centre of power.

When he arrived at his office the next day Roger found a note pinned to the MI5 file on his desk. It was a summary report from Axis Security Services on Geraldine Montgomery-Smith. There were two names Ann Johnston and Yousif al-Rahman. The system didn’t flag up anything of concern about Ann Johnston, but there was a report on al-Rahman. He had been politically active in Algeria, escaped to Britain, and granted political asylum on the grounds his life was in danger in Algeria. Nine months ago he should have re-applied for an extension but had failed to do so. His name was also on the list of people who had visited Finsbury Park mosque at the time Abu Hamza was preaching there.

Roger put the file on his desk. Normally he would have taken longer over preparing the vetting report on Montgomery-Smith, but his department was under strain with all the monitoring of suspected terrorist groups. Plus he had to be careful not to overrun his operating budget by employing external agencies. He turned to his computer and typed his report.

A few days later, Geraldine anxiously opened the envelope bearing the Downing Street emblem. Even before reading the letter, she knew what it said - it was too short a letter. Curtly but politely she was informed that she had not been selected to work in the Prime Ministers Office. She knew the system well enough, and knew the full implications of the letter; it also meant her career was over.

She was shaken out of her state of gloom by the shrill ringing of the telephone, it was Ann.

YesBut have a nice weekend - Part 1

For YesBut’s Image posted on 15th August 2007, Pope Terry suggested the caption -


Lady one: "Margery, that strange man is still following us, quick get your taser out a fry the git"


The photograph suggested the following story to me:

“Its so good to see you.”

“And you.”

“I’m glad you’ve finally got around to spending the weekend with us”.

“Yes, I’m looking forward to meeting Yousif”

“He’s looking forward to meeting you, I’ve told him so much about you”.

“Gosh, I hope not everything!”

“Don’t be silly there are some things which must always remain our little secret”

“Well how are things with you two”.

“I’ll tell you everything when we get back to the flat, but I can’t wait to tell you Yousif has asked me to marry him”.

“Congratulations, wonderful, that’s a surprise”.

“Your surprised, how do you think I feel. We‘ve been living together for nearly three years, and we‘ve never even discussed getting married.”


He realised he was getting too close to them, he had to be careful, he didn’t want them to suspect they were being followed.

Roger looked out of his office window at the people crossing Lambeth Bridge. He was one of the few working for MI5, the British Security Service, who had a view of the Thames from his office. The telephone rang. Brian could only hear one side of the conversation.

“You followed them up at Waterloo Station?”

“Where is she now?”

“Find out the name of the other woman, and we’ll see if she’s on the system”

“Good. Phone me when you get more”.


Roger put down the phone and turned to face his visitor.

“Who was that?”

“Mathews, one of Axis Security Services operatives”.

“Your using ASS?”

“Yes, we have had to, with all the monitoring operations we currently have we’re fully stretched.”

“But ASS?”

“Don’t worry, it’s a low key surveillance, we’ve been asked to vet someone who’s asked for a transfer from our Brussels Embassy to work in Downing Street.”


When they got to the flat, they found Yousif waiting for them. After being introduced he kissed Geraldine on the cheek. She sat on the settee and looked at him, “yes” she thought, “I can see why Ann has fallen for him, he’s really handsome. But why has he suddenly decided to ask her to marry him?”


To be continued tomorrow - Bookmark this page.

YesBut those were the days

For YesBut’s Image on 11th August 2007, the following captions were posted -

david mcmahon 's suggested caption - See gulls and Pigeon pair

Pope Terry 's caption - bird on left: "Oh man... four hours getting ready and someone turns up in the exact same outfit!"


Chewy 's suggestion - How do you like your new job at air traffic control?

ozlady 's caption - Ready, aim... FIRE! and

I can do a triple backflip with a half twist... and you?

Doug 's suggestion - You flew up here? So there is another way up other than using a ladder!

Siddharth Khandelwal's caption - Good you came.. two of us have a better chance of getting a passer by than me alone.

The photo suggested the following story to me:

“Tell me Dad the story when seagulls used to live on rocks and fly over the sea.”
“Well that, if it is true that is, happened a long long time ago.”
“Even before Granddad was a chick?”
“Yes even before then”.
“Were there rubbish dumps in the sea”.
“Well I’ve never seen the sea myself, but I don’t think so”.
“But if there are no rubbish dumps, where did they get food?”
“Now that is a mystery to me. I did hear about them fishing”.
“Fishing? What’s that Dad?”
“Well I’ve seen men sit by a river for hours and hours, and they call that fishing. But I don’t see how that gets them food like we get.”

“But what did they do for fun Dad?”
“Ah in those days seagulls didn’t have fun”.
“So they didn’t sit on posts so they could poop on people walking underneath.”
“No back then Town Councils had no consideration for seagulls. Its only in the last twenty years that they’ve provided posts for us to sit on”
“It must have been boring”.
“I guess so son, I guess so.”

YesBut Devine intervention.

The following captions were posted for YesBut’s Image on 3rd August:

ozlady 's suggested caption -
"As God started bursting through the clouds, some schmuck said, "looks like rain."

"Next time I'll use lightning," he said."

Pope Terry 's suggestion - God with his pants down "Can you guess where that lights coming from... yes that’s right it really does shine from there."

Siddharth Khandelwal 's caption - "This is the last time I am putting dirty clothes out hoping that it will rain and wash them. Can we get a damn washing machine"...

Chewy 's suggestion -"War of the Worlds" has begun.

The four captions were jointly awarded the Caption of the Week Award for the week 28th July to 3rd August 2007.

The captions and photograph inspired me to write:

God looked down and sighed when he saw the action of the Muslim Fundamentalists. He tut-tuted at the antics of the Christian Fundamentalists.

“How could things have gone so wrong? Next time around, I’ll give all the power to the Buddhists and Hindus.”

He looked at George W. Bush and decided he was sufficient justification for a change of policy. He left a post-it note to remind himself to write to the Pope to say He approved of abortion and contraception.

His one big regret was when he saw Tony Blair, if only at the time, he could have remembered the incantation He had used to turn Lot’s wife into a pillar of salt.

He admitted to Himself that He had made mistakes:

“I was too soft with that bitch Eve and her snivelling runt of a partner Adam, I thought I’d be a ’liberal’ parent and allow them to learn from their mistakes, but I should have been more stern.”


“As for Mosses and the Israelites, I must admit I took my eye off the ball. At the time, I was into blogging on tablets of stone. Gave them my best piece of work, took me hours to first compose, then I didn’t know which template to use. Yes, it took me days to carve the Ten Commandments. But, what did they do? They smashed them. They thought I let them off lightly by only requiring them to re-carve them. Suckers, that’s when I decided to give the Arabs the crude oil.”

“I had a gut feeling after seeing Adam and Eve, that I had made a design fault. Glad now I took out insurance and created cockroaches to takeover after humans exterminate themselves. Just one thing, after they take over I’ll have to do something about their eating habits and table manners.”

“The human race has been such a disappointment, I wouldn’t urinate on them if they were on fire. Now that’s a good idea, lets see how they cope with Global Warming”.

"Moreover, as for that jumped up ‘look at me clever Dick, clever Dick’, YesBut, how dare he, have the blog title “Grumpy and farting”, there’s only one Grumpy Old Fart around here, and it isn’t him. I’ve left him have his fun for a couple of months, but enough is enough, it has to stop, now! OK the old fool has to keep himself entertained somehow, but no more grumpy and farting, I’ll allow him to think, but only in moderation."

"So if in future you want to read the old fool you better Bookmark this page, or create a link (is that the right term? - we don’t have all that stuff with tablets of stone). Click here - click here, I find opening the skies and sending a thunderclap far more effective. But you haven’t got my powers so click here."